Into the hands of a Robot...

(First Published September 19th 2019)

I find it extraordinary that 6 weeks ago, as far as I was aware, I didn’t have cancer of the bladder, or cancer of anywhere else for that matter.  I’d just had a nasty bladder infection and, like many men of my age, was suffering with a slightly enlarged prostate gland. However, if all goes according to plan, this time next week I will be lying in a hospital bed, a couple of days into my recovery,  having had my bladder plus my prostate gland removed and my internal workings re-plumbed so my urine passes out through a stoma in the wall of my abdomen to be collected in a bag.  Extraordinary! I don’t think I’ve had this much excitement or range of emotions since watching England win the Cricket World Cup back in July (it’s been a hectic year!)

Today brought my pre-operative appointments with medical professionals to a close.  I met with the Stoma nurse at the Royal County Hospital in Brighton at 8.30am. Brighton is a wonderful city but trying to get anywhere in a car, especially at rush hour, is a nightmare (and that’s before you try to park.) I gave myself an hour to do the 15 mile trip and just made it in time. It’s actually quicker and easier getting to Eastbourne Hospital which is nearly double the distance away. The nurse was lovely and we had long bag related chats. As many before her have done, she told me how young I was.  I’m going to miss being told how young I am!  I am well aware that this is because the type of cancer I have is more commonly seen in people 15 - 20 years older than me but my ego does like the attention.

My mental health has remained surprisingly good. My physical health - not so, although in the big scheme of things, if my symptoms continue in a similar vein to as they are now during my last few days of being ‘with bladder,’ I will consider myself to be extremely lucky. My two bugbears have been fatigue and lower back / pelvic pain, both of which, I’m reliably informed, are completely normal with a diagnosis such as mine.  Our local G.P’s surgery have been excellent.  As soon as I pulled out the ‘C Card’ I got an appointment the next working day and my G.P. prescribed me some strong codeine & paracetamol tablets for the pain and some sleeping pills to help me sleep better, both of which are highly addictive but, hey! it’s only for two weeks and I do have cancer you know. I need to think carefully about my use of the ‘C Card’ else I can see myself ending up with a similar fate to ‘The Boy who cried Wolf.’ (Perhaps 'The Old Git who cried Cancer' might be more fitting)

I’ve had a couple of days where I have felt quite ill but generally I just feel about 20 years older than I actually am and I grunt a lot when I get out of a chair.  One positive I take away from the past few weeks is that my appetite has remained good so hopefully I'll be going into surgery in as strong a condition as possible. The codeine is trying it’s best to send my bowels to sleep but there is still a little life down there (who really wants to know this stuff??.... who??!!) A sluggish bowel may well be good practise for my post operative state. The surgery involves cutting away part of my intestine so getting everything moving again is an important part of my recovery and one of the reasons that the nurses will be keen to get me out of bed and moving around as quickly as possible.  One of the nurses I spoke to said they keep an ear out for signs of any gas moving through the bowel as an indication that things are starting to work again. I don’t want to be a disappointment to them so am, almost, tempted to do some recordings of my current abilities. I’ve always been, secretly, proud of my bodies ability to make fabulous noises at both ends and don’t want the nurses to miss out! 

It has been a roller coaster ride over the last few weeks. I have had many appointments.  I have had discussions with Surgeons, Doctors, Anaesthetists and Nurses. I have visited Hospitals in Brighton, Eastbourne and Haywards Heath and have had many friends and family come to visit.  It’s been a blast.  However, the roller coaster has now stopped and I appear to have climbed upon a rather rickety old ferris wheel that has slowly got about a quarter of the way up and stopped.  I try to crane my neck up to see what’s over the horizon but it’s not to be.  There is nothing more I need to know, there is nothing more I need to do and there are no further decisions that I need to make.  So roll on Monday.  I could really do with some fresh material to keep this blog interesting and I have a feeling I’ll have it in spades over the coming weeks.